Walls

This song was posted on my facebook page some time ago by a good friend of mine. It talks about bringing down those walls.

The wall that I have worked hard to built.

The wall that I refuse to bring down.

The wall that makes it impossible to ever get my heartbroken.

The wall that makes me not feel anymore but rather numbs and blocks out all the previous hurt.

The wall that makes me run from any chance of something real, something good, or letting me feel like me again.

I have been pretty frustrated lately, but at myself truthfully.

I know that I am pushing, I am pushing it away, and I can't help it.

Im good at pushing, and refuse to stop. I have been doing it for awhile now. Even to one of my best friends. The unfortunate thing is that friend pushed back, which was an eye opener.

We had a heart to heart today... for the first time I felt okay with how things were, and ready to move on and begin the next chapter of my life.

Then there is another one, who is why I am frustrated with myself. I just shut down, something "red flagged" me and every layer of that wall came back up to the highest its ever been.

Now I am stuck trying to figure out how to get back to where it was... I am not sure I ever will be okay with that though.

If I die young

What a crazy week!

I have a lots of time to reflect on what means most in this life this past week.

Wednesday I heard the news of an accident that should have never happened. Brynn Barton from Murray was killed in a hit and run.

Even though I wasnt close to her it still hit me pretty hard.

About 3 years ago I lost a very close friend to me.. Jarren Dilree.

Jaren passed away from cancer.

It was my first "death" that I had to really personally deal with.

Especially when it is a young life that was taken before their time... even when it really is their time.

So in honor of Jaren, Brynn, and anyone else that knows someone who died young.

Here is what I would do

If I Die Young:

If I die young, I hope I have served others as well as they have me,

I hope I have accomplished all that I wanted to in school,

I hope I have forgiven much,

I hope I have loved deaply and danced free,

I hope I have sang at the top of lungs, and ate all the sour punch straws I can!

I hope I have let my family and friends know how much I love them and how much they mean to me everyday.

But most IMPORTANT I hope that I have let my testimony shine through in my actions, and that it is strong and that I have shown my appriciation to my heavenly father for everything I was given.