It's about time!

Okay so sorry everyone. I have been totally slacking in the blogging department. Derek returned home from serving an honorable LDS mission in Kentucky Sept. 28th. Then Sept. 30th while sitting in the temple my best friend asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. We sealed the deal Dec. 15th and could not be happier.

This is the only wedding picture we have so far...

Anyways, an update in the Billings Family. I graduated from Broadview University on Dec. 22nd right before Christmas.

Christmas was amazing with Derek by my side finally... no more packages.. for now!

Maverick (dereks nephew) turned 1 in Nov and Jarison is turning 1 this next week.

My nephew Sawyer Wade is soooo cute! I just cant get over that tiny little guy!

I got offered and accepted a job with UCMA in Payson soon to join Central Utah Clinic as a Medical Assistant, I seriously have the most amazing co-workers of all time.

Derek is getting our affairs in order for a couple more suprizes to come in the Billings household, Dont worry we will let everyone know once we know what is happening :) and no Im not prego.

Life is just great right now I cant wait to see what 2012 brings to us!



I love to see the temple

This week it was annouced that they will FINALLY break ground on the Payson, UT Temple

Oct. 8th 2011 at 9 am by Elder Dallin H. Oaks.

I am so incredibly excited for this seeing as how I live right up the hill from where it will be built.

Can I just express the joy of being able to go to the temple brings?

I absolutely love the blessings I have been able to enjoy from being endowed and I look forward to being sealed in the temple to my best friend one day.

Temples bring so much joy and so much strength in any time of need.

Just To See You Smile

Lots of things have made me smile the past few months. A lot of changes have happened as well.

First of all I got to see Tim Mcgraw in concert- so it was only right that I picked a song of his.

My little brother left for the Army. I am so very proud!

My sister Linds had her adorable baby Sawyer Wade Wilkins!

My best friend's hubby graduated from BYU and landed an awesome job.

The annual Yuba trip was great.

And still to come..

My first ever BYU game!

Natalie's b-day accompanied by Real Salt Lake and ONE REPUBLIC

and the best ever!!!

ELDER DEREK BRENT BILLINGS COMES HOME THIS MONTH!

I can't even express my joy! I am so excited for him to come home. He is so loving and caring and is always watching out for me. Just today I recieved a package with a cool t-shirt in it! And why? Just like the song says just to see me smile. Even though he cannot physically see it he knew I would be thrilled. I am so incredible blessed to have him and I know he is in perfect hands at least for the next 21 days!

52

I haven't seen my best friend in roughly 2 years + 1 week. 730 days..

I have only 52 days left...

I can't even express my emotions right now.

I'm excited, nervous, prayerful, scared out of mind, but peaceful all at the same time.

And just like this song, I don't want to miss a thing.

I want to enjoy every moment I can with him when he returns.

I have been very blessed.. he hasn't missed a single week of writing or emailing since I got divorced (we only wrote a couple times when I was married)

His level of commitment to the gospel while showing me he cares for me is amazing in itself.

I think back over the last year to how much he has grown, I've grown, and how we have been able to grow together through this experience.

Needless to say, I am ready to see what my future holds and grab by the horns and go with it!

at a crossroad

This really has been a long time coming...

I have been through lots of ups and downs in a certain relationship in the past few months.

During this one another one has been put on hold and still is for now

I have learned a lot the past few months.

What "red flags" to notice and not to notice

What faults can be looked pasted and what ones can't

In any relationship you hit a crossroad... do you continue... do you go left or right?

I think I have known for awhile now what I have needed to do.

Tonight I did it..

In any relationship no matter how serious it may or may not be

No matter what potentially could or could not be there

its going to hurt

I am going to have to cry

More so at the realization that I did the right thing, for me, for the benefit of others, and that I followed the lords council

I even wanted to pick up the phone tonight and call to say that I am an idiot lets keep trying if we try hard enough it will eventually work.

I know that it wont no matter what

Its time to move on.. to heal... to be me again.. and to stop pushing someone else away

Walls

This song was posted on my facebook page some time ago by a good friend of mine. It talks about bringing down those walls.

The wall that I have worked hard to built.

The wall that I refuse to bring down.

The wall that makes it impossible to ever get my heartbroken.

The wall that makes me not feel anymore but rather numbs and blocks out all the previous hurt.

The wall that makes me run from any chance of something real, something good, or letting me feel like me again.

I have been pretty frustrated lately, but at myself truthfully.

I know that I am pushing, I am pushing it away, and I can't help it.

Im good at pushing, and refuse to stop. I have been doing it for awhile now. Even to one of my best friends. The unfortunate thing is that friend pushed back, which was an eye opener.

We had a heart to heart today... for the first time I felt okay with how things were, and ready to move on and begin the next chapter of my life.

Then there is another one, who is why I am frustrated with myself. I just shut down, something "red flagged" me and every layer of that wall came back up to the highest its ever been.

Now I am stuck trying to figure out how to get back to where it was... I am not sure I ever will be okay with that though.

If I die young

What a crazy week!

I have a lots of time to reflect on what means most in this life this past week.

Wednesday I heard the news of an accident that should have never happened. Brynn Barton from Murray was killed in a hit and run.

Even though I wasnt close to her it still hit me pretty hard.

About 3 years ago I lost a very close friend to me.. Jarren Dilree.

Jaren passed away from cancer.

It was my first "death" that I had to really personally deal with.

Especially when it is a young life that was taken before their time... even when it really is their time.

So in honor of Jaren, Brynn, and anyone else that knows someone who died young.

Here is what I would do

If I Die Young:

If I die young, I hope I have served others as well as they have me,

I hope I have accomplished all that I wanted to in school,

I hope I have forgiven much,

I hope I have loved deaply and danced free,

I hope I have sang at the top of lungs, and ate all the sour punch straws I can!

I hope I have let my family and friends know how much I love them and how much they mean to me everyday.

But most IMPORTANT I hope that I have let my testimony shine through in my actions, and that it is strong and that I have shown my appriciation to my heavenly father for everything I was given.